Sometimes the unraveling is the healing


When everything in your world seems to be unraveling, it’s not easy to see how healing is taking place.

If you’ve held tightly onto what has been, to the things you thought were real, it’s even more painful when those things begin to fall apart.

It’s in the holding on tightly that you might have, unwittingly, held back the new growth. By holding onto what’s familiar to you, you make it difficult for that which needs to go away, to do so.

You’re holding it all together when it needs to fall apart. You lose your energy when you do this, when you act as if you have any control over the outcome. There is a bigger picture, and you might be trying to do a job that was never yours to begin with.

If you think you’re responsible for keeping it all together, think again. It may have been the job you agreed to do, but is it still working for you now?

A few points to consider if you suspect you may be holding it all together:

  • You are tired much of the time, even though you never seem to be doing what it is you want to do. Yet, you are always available to take care of details for others and feel guilty if you say no to any requests for your time.

  • You always feel bad for the pain others are in or the hardships they are going through, so much so that you feel their pain much of the time.

  • You attract people in crisis to yourself like moths to a flame.

  • You lie awake at night dreaming up solutions to help others out of a jam.

  • You resist any changes in your external world.

  • You’re the one who is the place holder for all of the stuff the rest of your family doesn’t want. You feel responsible for the family heirlooms, history, and relationships.

You might like your place as the hub of the wheel, the one who takes care of it all.

But if you’re wondering why you don’t have what it is you want in your life, look no further. The culprit, the one holding you back, is none other than yourself.

You can’t blame others if you choose to be responsible for them. You trained them to expect this from you, so it’s no wonder that they do.

By the same token, you can retrain everyone in your life to see you as someone who deserves respect and space. In order to do this, you must begin with yourself. Draw your new line in the sand for you, and don’t cross it. Allow the things that need to fall apart, to do so. Be honest about what your responsibility is, and what it isn’t. Act accordingly.

If you can find the peace and strength within yourself to let go of what needs to go, you’ll have more of your own energy available to heal yourself, and to create your life. This is your true responsibility.

“Let go or be dragged.” - Zen proverb

  • ©Kris Cahill
    'Fern' image from Pixabay